6 reasons why flip flops are not suitable footwear for commuting

If your feet look like this, "airing them" won't help.

Reason 1: Nobody wants to look at your dirty/fungal-infected/calloused/smelly feet*


 Many people who wear flip flops shouldn't do so for this reason alone, but many of these poor souls seem oblivious to the frankly wretched state of their own leg appendages.

If bits of your feet can be picked, grated, or smell like a ripe Stilton you owe it to the health of the nation to keep them under wraps.

*please delete as appropriate

No. No. No. No. No.

Reason 2: Flip-flops make people think they are on the beach. This is very bad.

Two quick flip-flop factoids:

• Flip-flops make people feel comfortable
• Flip-flops are easily removed
  

Although these two truths are not dangerous on their own, combine them and it's a different story: All too often you get flip-floppers who crazily think it is socially acceptable to take off their flip flops and curl their feet up on their seat..

..It is fucking not. Especially if reason 1 applies.


Reason 3: Flip-flops do not perform their basic function.

Shoes are intended to protect the foot and enable the motion of walking. Flip-flops are specifically designed to not protect the foot and make motion as clumsy as possible. Flip-flops are shite for walking in effectively and since most commuting involves some walking in close proximity to fellow travellers, a flip-flopper risks multi-person pile-ups with every step.

Imagine all these people walking at once. Scary shit.

Reason 4: The sound of flip flops is the most irritating in the world.

..nails being scraped down a blackboard..
..a dripping tap.
..Kerry Katona opening her gob..

..none of these sounds hold a candle to the discordant, mind-numbing sound of "flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop..."

By wearing their monstrous footwear to work flip-floppers show a complete disregard for their colleagues and fellow commuters who have no choice but to listen to the incessant noise. It's almost like they do it on purpose.

Hahahahahahaha! Prat.

Reason 5: If it rains you are going to have wet feet and look a bloody idiot..

..not that I'd have any sympathy, but for thoroughness I'd thought I'd mention it and in fact I'd do a rain dance to just see it happen.

Reason 6: You are a man.. 

Wearing flip-flops.. Seriously? And no, being gay is not defence.